The following is a newsletter I recently wrote for the HeroPath For Teens™ Program that I run in the UK. Though it is written to teens, the message is relevant for all. .
Are your parents nagging you too much?
We can help.
Occasionally, but not infrequently, we receive calls from concerned parents who share a common dilemma. They’ve read our website, perhaps spoken with others whose sons and daughters gave us raving reviews, and really know that their son or daughter would benefit from attending our program too.
They know that the moment they suggest attending a HeroPath For Teens™ program, their teen will reject it simply because it is a suggestion coming from their parents! Their teen will feel their parents are putting too much pressure on them to change. Some will feel their parents are nagging, overprotective and/or over-involved and will resist just to feel powerful. Some will feel judged.
We’ve had a number of teens who’ve attended our programs also ask for help with this. “How can I get my parents to stop nagging me? How can I get them to give me more freedom? How can I get them to just let me make my own choices?”
This newsletter will address both sides of this, and why it is that what we offer has helped so much for families who’ve struggled with this dilemma.
First of all the primary reason most parents get concerned about their teens, is that they sense they are not prepared for the challenges that they’ll soon be facing as adults. They sense their teen lacks some critical piece or pieces of development such as direction, motivation, discipline, confidence, decisiveness. They fear that lacking these, their teen will be in for lasting struggles and disappointments. There is nothing more painful to parents than to see their kids struggling and having to settle for less than what is possible for them.
Sometimes, they are right to be concerned. Sometimes, they aren’t.
Here’s the real challenge to this:
Every one develops at their own pace and, to a large extent, in their own way.
Our school system and cultural norms though expects that everyone measures up to a standard that is unrealistic for some and totally inappropriate for some others. They place benchmarks like achieving certain test scores, demonstrating an ability to manage coursework and knowing what you want to do with your life as the measure of readiness to move on to the next stage of life.
It’s hard for parents not to get caught up in doing the same.
In reality though these things have little to do with what it really takes to be prepared for the next stage of life, and even less to do with what it takes to thrive.
While the MythoSelf® Process that we teach at the HeroPath For Teens™ workshop inevitably helps teens to do better and have more certainty in all these areas – school performance, career direction, personal confidence – it offers something even more critical, something every hugely successful and personally fulfilled person shares… It is, you might say, the magic at the core of this work. Let me tell it to you through a personal story:
I was 28 when I first encountered this work. I was bright, confident and well-educated, graduating Valedictorian of my University class. I could easily get jobs as I knew how to impress the hell out of potential employers. In fact, I’d been offered every job I ever applied for (and I’ve taught many of these skills to countless clients).
My problem was that I didn’t just want a job. I wanted to do my own thing, my own way. There was a way of life that I’d seen others live and that I wanted for myself. I wanted to be well compensated for doing the work I loved. I wanted to be free to set my own schedule. I wanted to be in a relationship with someone who shared my values and had a similar desire for living “outside the system”, and who was also equally as excited and positive about life and life’s possibilities.
I’d purchased countless books, attended countless programs and spent thousands of Pounds on consultants, all in the hopes that this would help me to have this life.
Yet, in spite of all my education and academic success, I was missing a fundamental piece. I knew what to do, I just wasn’t doing it. I wanted it, but couldn’t seem to make it happen.
Rather than having that success and that relationship, I was nearing 30 years old, was soon to be bankrupt and was alone.
Secretly I knew why I was failing to achieve my dream. What I needed wasn’t more information about “how to”, what I needed was to become the kind of person who actually lives it. Though I had the potential to be that person, potential alone is not the same as being that person.
I’ve seen this countless times now in my work. My clients often come in knowing what they need to be doing, they just can’t seem to get themselves to do it consistently enough to get the results. They have moments of true confidence and direction, but the moments fade. They have moments of maturity and discipline, but they can’t seem to sustain it.
They have the potential, but they are not fulfilling it.
The reasons they aren’t fulfilling their potential vary. Some are too lazy. Some have become steeped in bad habits. Some have deep seated insecurities that compel them to continually settled for less than their best. Some just haven’t lived enough life to have found “their thing”. Some have succumbed to an attitude of indifference that many teens find appealing because unlike school, it is stress free and places no demand on them.
There are plenty of other reasons, but all come down to the same thing: they are not yet being the full person they have the potential to be.
Parents sense this. It is their greatest concern and as I said earlier, nothing pains them more than to see their kids struggling to be happy, fulfilled and inspired.
The amazing thing is that every parent I’ve ever worked with, knows when their kids have found this missing piece… when they’ve overcome their limitations and are steadfast on their path to true personal success. When they see their kids have it, they relax. They stop micromanaging, they stop pushing…. They stop nagging!
The most effective thing that teens can do to stop nagging parents is not to become the person their parents may be pressuring them to be, but rather to become the best person they themselves know they can be.
That is the power of what we do. That is the power of the MythoSelf Process. That is the power of the HeroPath For Teens… We will guide you to make this critical connection in yourself that you need to make to ensure you truly live your life fully, uninhibited, empowered with everything you will need to achieve the success you want, have the experiences you want and ultimately, to live the life you most want.
It did it for me. It has done it for hundreds of others. And it will do it for you too.
In the years since the moment I made the choice to find out what this work was (and I assure you no one whose ever come to one of our programs has come close to being as skeptical as I was when I first agreed to come!), my life has not only changed dramatically – my life has finally really happened. I’ve traveled over 1,000,000 miles doing the work I love. I have clients all over the world. I am married to a remarkable woman who shares my sense of adventure and joy of life, and we are raising a family of our own.
It is not always easy, nor is our life free from challenges. Having made this critical connection inside though, we know that we have what it takes to thrive, to achieve dreams and to be fulfilled, even when times are tough – and we consistently are.
I am so confident in what I am promising, that we offer a 100% Guarantee that we will deliver. You will leave this weekend with everything we say you will, or you do not pay. This is not your parents trying to coerce you to do something you don’t want to do. This is your future calling you and saying it is time to step up, grow up and really start living.
The choice is yours. The opportunity to attend though won’t last forever. Decide now and make 2010 the year you finally said enough to settling for being less than your best, and finally started living and being the you, you’ve always sensed was possible. One weekend of your life, that’s all it takes. One weekend.
So which will it be? A weekend of parties, video games and predictable boredom, just like last weekend, just like every weekend? Or a weekend that kicked your life into high gear?
Decide now. Join us. Show up. The toughest part is this decision. The rest is the good stuff – and it is damn good stuff.
[Click here to read this on our UK website]
© Likone Corp/ Jeffrey Leiken 2010